Did you ever stay home from work because you're genuinely sick, only to be dragged into feeling guilty (or at least an attempt) by the supervisor you called to report your plight? I sure have. This is an issue of psychological boundaries. Are yours intact? The supervisor in my case was obviously working from a loose boundary that she attempted to push over my way. Had I gone into work anyway, I might as well have been wearing the "push-over hat." Just like other things that are too loose-goosey, loose boundaries create ugly situations where all sorts of things can run rampant and leave big messes if not put in check.

What are Boundaries?
I think of boundaries as healthy walls that exist around me (and every thinking person) for the purpose of survival, proper relating and efficient protection of body, mind, spirit. Think of it as a personal force field that empowers us to be healthy and grow on the inside while protecting us from pests and other harmful effects on the outside. Force fields or boundaries are constantly being bombarded with energy, our own and others. As a child, were you taught to listen to your fears and tell someone, for example, if your body was being improperly touched? Or, you were teased at school to the point where it really hurt and you finally told the bully to "shove off.' If this was part of your upbringing, then you were probably empowered to maintain your force field in a healthy way. But some adults feel guilty, as if they're being rude or stepping on someone elses toes, just mentioning that they feel uncomfortable with another's words, gestures or presence. A deer in the woods doesn't apologize or feel hesitant to run away the moment that danger is sensed? Why should you? Adults need to take a lesson from deer and also run without hesitation when they sense danger in the workplace; questions can be asked later. This doesn't mean running away from responsibility but developing a new ability to respond in different ways.

Recognizing and Solving the Problem
The lack-of-boundaries problem is widespread and can cause losses on several levels -- from money to health to relationships to self-esteem. Adults are not always aware of when our minds and spirits, as well as our bodies, are being improperly intruded upon or inappropriately "touched." Invasions of personal boundaries are even harder to recognize than the invasion of body snatchers. Sometimes the violation goes on and on, way past the initial situation where boundaries were crossed. But they all take the ultimate toll of disconfirmation, as seen in such symptoms as

• feeling bad
• giving up on your dreams/desires
• thinking, "something isn't right here" or "this shouldn't be happening"
• inability to maintain self-control
• depression (which various studies say 25% of adults seriously suffer from at some point)
• anxiety
• general anger, at no one or nothing that can be readily identified
• the inability or unwillingness to say or listen to "No"
• failure to follow through with major obligations
• talking way too much or way too little
• letting people get away with things that constantly bother us

There could be more symptoms that you notice for yourself. Adults who take notice of symptoms in themselves could benefit from a "BOUNDARIES CHECK." We'd have fewer messes to clean-up later by taking a lesson from our deer friends and responding now. Consider that you can assertively grunt back, step back, round-up reinforcements, self-empower or even run when frightening or inappropriate things happen in the workplace. You are bound to gain short-term benefits from your efforts, and they may even last a lifetime. Good boundary-tightening to you!